my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
