Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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