I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
