He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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