I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
