wanna go halves on a baby?
I just threw up on my dentist
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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