"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He called his prostate his "boner button".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
