Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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