Can Purell be used as lube?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
