As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
