he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
