I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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