Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
