I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
