I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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