Pappa wants mamma naked
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
