:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
