Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize