So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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