I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
