Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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