Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
