On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
