Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
