Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Everything about him screamed your future.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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