thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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