and you said cock pushups were impossible
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
