Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
