if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was CRYING into my vagina
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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