apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
