So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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