Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
