i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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