Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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