Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
