It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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