I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize