Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
