it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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