I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
