I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
