Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
