How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize