And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
