I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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