There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
