Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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