Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
