Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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