my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
