3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
