dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
