so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
