it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize