So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
