i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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