what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
