watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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