I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize