Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
