I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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