Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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