Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
