do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
