Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
