i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
