my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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