I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
