I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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